


Don't leave me behind

by Solrey



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Fear, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Platonic Romance, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2020-12-21 01:15:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21066347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Solrey/pseuds/Solrey
Summary: Dongju was alone in the practice room, feeling how the world suddenly threatened to collapse above him.





	Don't leave me behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~
> 
> I am a fellow To Moon, even though I need to admit I just had time recently to really get into them and wanted to write about them.
> 
> This small drabble (?) happend because of three things: I had my own depression striking me on sunday, sulli's death on monday and that I was watching their predebut show. You might ask now, what their show has to do with it. But maybe you remember his self-doubt because he was new and inexperienced, that he didn't wanted to burden his hyungs. That's what I wanted to portray here. :)
> 
> English is not my native language so please excuse mistakes or grammatical errors.

It was a cold, rough october night when he had felt, his legs beginning to shake. A sudden pain shot through his body, paralyzing him for a second but he was able to catch his staggering legs in time, his weight balancing him again. Still, he felt how his mouth slowly got dry, his eyes casted downwards but all he was able to see was blackness, his eyes shut tightly because of the pain. A pain so strong he feared to move even in the slightest. For once he was happy to be alone, to have stayed behind even if his Hyung would come and pick him up soon, Dongju still had some time. Time to get adjusted to the sudden pain, time to mask this revelation so no one would notice - not again, he couldn't show weakness again. Couldn't let them down again.

Dongju breathed heavily before he slowly rose again, his eyes fixing himself in the mirror in front of him. It was a shabby view, he knew that much but it shocked him to see that the pain was so visibly written on his face for everyone to see, clearly showing his distress. To make it worse he had danced for hours on end, wanting to get the new choreography perfect so he was drenched in sweat, some of it running down his face to silently fall on the ground. His lips became a thin line, complementing on what to do because he knew his Hyung would see right through him, Geonhak knew him to well to not notice. Could he lie? Probably, Geonhak was so innocent when it came to him, he would probably believe every lie Dongju would present him. 

But it felt wrong. The mere thought of lying to his Hyung was displeasing, his heart protesting to this option so strongly. Dongju tore his gaze away from the sickening image of himself in the mirror, away from the person he currently was, trying to erase the image from his brain. 

He knew that not telling his Hyungs about his pain was a bad thing, potentially bad for their group but just the thought of disappointing them again made him want to throw up, his head running in circles while he tried to block out the pain. The spreading, breathtaking pain he felt with every move coming from his knee, just turning his body away from the mirror made him jolt, his face scrunching in pain, his breath hitching.

That's when he heard how his phone rang, loudly, on the other side of the room and he immediately knew that it was Geonhak, wanting to ask how much longer he would want to practice and normally Dongju would pick it up and tell him - but not today. His eyes stayed on his backpack, feeling a spreading dread with every ring, every silent second before he heard the sound again. Dongju wished for silence, peaceful silence but Geonhak was persistent, letting it ring for a while.

Then, silence. Dongju released the breath he didn't know he held, closing his eyes. Inside of his head he counted the times he had already been sick or in pain since they became a predebut group and shivered, the fear he had felt back then coming up again. He was the maknae, he was young yet always the last one - was it in experience or in health, Dongju always fell short and he felt it more than anyone: the pressure to succeed, the pressure to show his Hyungs and their company that he could grow, become better, even greater. But he failed over and over again. Just the mere thought what his Hyungs might think about him let tears rush to his eyes, threatening to leak but Dongju held himself back. He had held his emotions back so many times, he was already used to - used to dealing with it on his own. 

Worrying his Hyungs was a no-go and he wouldn't, determined that he could overcome this on his own, showing them he was an adult, that he could take care of himself without them. They had so much to do, they shouldn't be burdened by a maknae like him. He wanted to pull through and he would. 

Wasn't it fore the sudden intrusion into the practice room, Geonhak breathing heavily standing inside of the doorframe, his eyes blown wide. 

>Ah, he saw me like this.< Was all Dongju could think before he averted his eyes, wanting to disappear on the spot. He had thought about 'what ifs' for so long that he had completely forgotten the time. Dongju felt ashamed, knowing his Hyung had seen him like this. >I should have taken the call.< 

"Xion-ah?" Geonhak's voice was gentle, as gentle as it can be with a voice from a cave man and he couldn't resist looking back at his Hyung. The worry displayed on the older's face was so vivid, it felt like Dongju had been punched in the gut, knowing he was the very reason for the worry. He shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have worried him. 

"Xionie?" The older asked again but he couldn't answer, his eyes glued to the other even when Geonhak started to move, coming closer to him until he was only a few centimeters away. With a gentless Dongju loved receiving from Geonhak, the older touched his face, brushing over his cheek and that's when he felt it, felt the wet tears rolling down, blurring his sight. It was an unconcious thing, his body reacting on it's own but just the warm palm against his cheek made him breakdown. Dongju met the hand, pressing his cheek against the palm while he let the tears roll down freely, hiccups leaving his mouth. He felt how Geonhak pulled him against his chest with the other hand and Dongju let him do it,  
let himself fall against him.

The warmth which met him was overwhelming and the feeling of misusing Geonhak began to chew at his heart. In the end he had worried his Hyung even more, made it far worse. 

"Hey." The older's voice was gentle, whispered against his hair and Dongju cursed himself for moving even closer to Geonhak, his tears wetting the other's shirt. He wanted to stay like this, close to his Hyung without a worry, protectively held close but he knew that it was a fruitless thought. How could he be so selfish, so egoistic, wanting to monopolize his attention? Selfishly whising that he could just stop from pursuing his dream because he would disappoint them eventually? Would they leave him? Dongju feared that day, the day where they would tell him that he was of no use for then any longer. 

His hands clawed Geonhak's clothes, pulling him even closer and by now Dongju was sure the older had already an idea about the situation. He flinched when he felt how Geonhak's leg met his and the pain reawakened again, taking his breath for a second. Still, Dongju knew that his Hyung didn't do it on purpose, couldn't be mad at him. Heck, he could never be mad at him. 

"Don't leave me." It was a breathless whisper, so quiet he thought his own heartbeat was louder than his words. His Hyung had heard him, must have because he recieved a kiss on the head before the older nuzzled his hair. Dongju wanted to stay like this, to afraid to see the older's face, what he thought about his words. 

"I have no idea what you are talking about." He heard how Geonhak tried to say calmly but Dongju was able to hear the wavering in it. "We won't leave you behind, Dongju. Not the other's nor I will." Then he was pushed away slightly and even though Dongju was still clawing shirt, Geonhak sank on his knees, before looking up again. "It's your knee right?"

It was like a shot right through his heart, the fear he felt slowly but surely fading, the tears quietly running down his cheeks. His Hyung inspected his knee carefully, seeing if they could do something right now before he came up again. Dongju looked at him through his wet eyelashes, gritting his teeth because of the pain but the hand that took his was warm, supportive and Dongju knew it. Knew that he could worry his hyungs, they wouldn't leave him behind, they cared to much about him to do so. But he also knew that this sudden attacks of self-doubt and anxiety would come back, eat him up again. However, he had Geonhak now, had his Hyungs now. He would fight. He wasn't alright but that was something his Hyung didn't need to know.


End file.
